“Have you been to Bourdillon? Or rather, I have to ask when you're going to Bourdillon?
“What is going on?”
“I hear that people are making solidarity visits to the Tinubus to express their displeasure over Senator Dino Melaye’s attack on Senator Remi Tinubu, wife of the APC national leader.”
“Raid?” That's exactly what it is. Raid. Sexual harassment. Abuse. Threat of rape. Definitive expression of the intention to commit adultery and impregnate another man's wife.”
“I read that story. I still find it hard to believe that a leading senator would stoop to such a level. If that is the reasoning among Nigerian parliamentarians, then the country is in more serious trouble than anyone could ever imagine.”
“Dino Melaye has not denied the statements he allegedly made. And the Tinubu camp is on an offensive against him. I read a comment saying that if he carries out his threat, things will happen.”
“Not only do things need to be done, I think every member of the National Assembly should undergo a psychiatrist test and a drug test.”
“Ha. You cannot force the entire National Assembly to conduct tests that are not legally required. And you can't rely on something a senator did to insinuate other lawmakers.”
'You call it innuendo? You try. It appears that male members of this National Assembly are convinced that women are sex objects. Isn't this the same National Assembly where male chauvinists opposed a gender equality law? Isn't it in this same parliament that supposedly prominent men stood up to defend marriage to girls? And now you have a senator threatening to beat up, rape, impregnate a female colleague and nothing will happen.”
“The man practically admitted his love of violence and disrespect for a colleague. That is too much of an insult to the lady and her husband.”
“I read on Sahara Reporters that he eventually changed his mind”
“Sahara Reporters says he later told Mrs Tinubu: “F…. You.”
“F… another man's wife?
“Yes. But he said worse. He reportedly said that he would not even humiliate himself by impregnating a Bonga fish and that he would prefer a robust woman like Senator Stella Oduah.
“What? The villain wants to hold so-so-me thing!”
“He has not denied saying that.”
“But are you sure there is no Nollywood wing in that Senate and some members are rehearsing a blockbuster home movie?”
“Which home video? The altercation took place during a closed Senate meeting. Mrs Tinubu's offense was to criticize Senator Melaye's contribution to a discussion and the fellow became irate. He had to be physically restrained from actually beating the woman up and then immediately raping and impregnating her.”
“Chei. I wish I was in Asiwaju Tinubu's shoes…'
“What are you going to do? Are you going to invite Melaye to a physical fight? Have you seen the man's biceps and how heavily built he is? This is not an issue that you can solve with muscle.”
“There are subtexts. Dino is probably waging a proxy war. His target may not be the woman, but her husband. Plus, the guy seems to have quite a reputation when it comes to beating up women. Ask his first wife. Ask his second wife.”
'Mrs Tinubu should sue him'
'He will claim privileges. Any communication on the floor of the Senate is privileged.”
“What privilege? That privilege should not apply to anyone who threatens violence, rape, sexual assault and adultery. What if he had not been restrained, would he have slapped Mrs Tinubu or something? I also find the silence of Senate leadership on this issue terribly offensive. Senator Melaye should now appear before a disciplinary committee.”
“But then again, is this whole story possible?”
“What does the Tinubus stand to gain by lying to Melaye?”
“You know, for some reason I sympathize with that guy, you know. What he has done before and now is a lot like riding the Tiger. “
“Certain types of persons should not be in the National Assembly to begin with. Isn't it from that same National Assembly that the US Embassy named and shamed some lawmakers who went to the US on a sponsored trip to seek sex, with one of them nearly raping a hotel clerk? This thing called democracy must be protected from abusers of women, rapists and adulterers.”
“If this was in the US or Britain, there will now be protesters on the streets asking for Melaye's head and seat. His voters would have initiated the process of his recall.”
“Haven't you also noticed that other female members of the National Assembly have not spoken out? They are dangerously quiet.”
“That is stupid. Do they want to get beat up? Raped? And impregnated by violent colleagues? Are they happy that a male colleague is threatening to rape and impregnate?”
“To call another man's wife, Bonga, fish. And openly say that you prefer that other female senator as a sex object. I must say that Melaye needs help. Where does he come from?”
“Right now I'm wondering what Dino Melaye would have called Theresa May, the new Prime Minister of Great Britain”
“Don't go there. He wouldn't dare. The kind of nonsense that is allowed in the name of legislation and leadership in this country is impossible in civilized places. Can you ever imagine a parliamentarian in Britain openly portraying a female colleague abused and threatened to rape and impregnate?
“These are all our leaders, they like titles, but not the responsibility that comes with a high position. Just look at how the British managed to achieve a major transition in the life of their country; it's all done so decently.”
“Impressive. Classically British. The country is more important than any country.”
“David Cameron is leading the country out of the European Union against his personal wishes and leading to economic disaster. He takes responsibility and steps aside.”
“He would have stayed in Nigeria. After all, there have been no elections. Nobody resigns here. Public office for the average Nigerian is about stomach infrastructure.”
“But in Britain it's all about service. Have you read Cameron's farewell speech? Sturdy. No malice.
No regrets. Last week he had rotten eggs on his face, but two days ago he left his office with his head held high. The British system works. If something goes wrong, there are ways to deal with it.”
“We should not compare apples and oranges. We can talk about lessons, but we don't expect the same standards.”
“Look at Theresa May, the new Prime Minister. On the day she took office, she named her cabinet. She is prepared. She's ready. She is competent. That's how you can get off to a flying start. Here, state governors spend a whole year appointing regular commissioners.”
“State governors? What about…?”
“Meshionu… Alakoba someone. It is not from my mouth that you will hear about physical, social psychological and existential violence in high places. But look again at what Theresa May has done. She has appointed the Brexiteers to her cabinet, the same people who wanted Britain out of the EU. She has put together a cabinet that can accommodate her rivals to show that she has no malice against anyone. Can you imagine Boris Johnson becoming Foreign Secretary?
“I don't support that.”
“Sorry, your opinion doesn't matter. Ko mata, ko muyo.”
“Boris Johnson is an isolationist. And he doesn't like Africans.”
“He loves Britain, his country. That's what matters.”
“I wish the new Prime Minister all the best. History made. She has to contend with the record of Mrs. Margaret Thatcher.”
“No. You're missing the point. She will not be judged based on gender.”
'Don't kid yourself on that point. Even in Britain, gender is an issue. For example, no one was talking about Cameron's shoes or navy blue suits. But since Theresa May came along, there has been so much obsession with her clothes and leopard print kitten heels.”
“But she's lucky she doesn't have Dino Melaye around her.”
“And no one will ever threaten to beat her up, rape her or impregnate her.”
'Why are you Theresa May on DinoMelaye? Can you stop? This is exactly why a man named Boris Johnson believes you should be banned from Britain so that in the long run you don't pollute the decent space that the British have created over the centuries.”
'You know, to be honest, sometimes I wonder how foreigners treat us. Can you imagine the president of Nigeria going on a foreign trip with a senator who was once accused of rape, or a governor who was once a con man? they would wonder whether it would not have been better if they had not colonized Africa at all.”
“And leave us in our natural, pre-colonial states, eh? I can't laugh. If they didn't, you might now be a horrible dibia in a forest, with a hundred wives.'
“That one? He will be a deep bush hunter, who beats up people's wives, rapes and impregnates them and threatens that nothing will happen to him.”
“Only in Nigeria.”
“I think there's a lot more you can talk about that way.”
“Just like Abijah”
“Really messy there.”
“A court with competent rules of jurisdiction, INEC complies, but the politicians insist they have a different view, and the entire system is being sucked into crisis.”
“Do not go there. You get situations like that when everything in a country is so uncertain.”
“But if we lose the court, what are we left with?”
“We've already lost the courts, even the lawyers.”
'In Abijah or Abuja?'
“You answer the question yourself.”
'And the video that the American mission would show in the House of Representatives? Did that happen?
“What video? It didn't happen.”
“Never mind. The British have just given us an answer: a country must work for its people
why Theresa May says her mission is to make Britain work for everyone.”
“Nigeria must also work for everyone, not a privileged few.”
“Yes. Yes. Yes. We should add that line to the national anthem.”